About Me

"There is no reality except the one contained within us. That is why so many people live such an unreal life. They take the images outside them for reality and never allow the world within to assert itself.
                                                                                                              -- Hermann Hesse


We were talking about meditation in a conversation at lunch last week and someone mentioned being able to see himself from a different place during a recent meditation. It reminded me of a time in my twenties when I experienced this spontaneously as I was  getting ready for work. Back then I did transcendental meditation quite regularly, went to every church that would let me in, read my Bible, great writers and every self help guru on the market...generally, I was searching for God in every song or wave crashing into shore. I longed to feel the connection. 

As I stood in the tiny bathroom applying my makeup I suddenly noticed the hands that were lining those eyes were not mine. It was as if someone else was doing the work.  The face that was getting ready to face the world was not "me". She, was not me! This didn't frighten me. This was an understanding. I continued to watch for a time, fascinated by this awakening. This was the first automatic separation from my body I remember experiencing. Though I had been a watcher of life for a long time, usually the watching was outside of my Self. This felt good for me to know...I welcomed this insight from my Spirit.

I am writing about these things because I used to hide them and rarely talk about them since I know how crazy it sounds. Now what others think isn't as important in my life...I am one of the most grounded individuals around. What astounds me is that so many of us believe what we see on the outside is real or is any more real than what is going on inside, this place from which our lives spring.

Deepak Chopra  was once being interviewed by a newscaster who obviously didn't believe the concepts they were discussing...I remember thinking that if this very well educated brain doctor and writer of many books is being scrutinized this way what chance would I have? So mostly, I don't talk about these things except to a few. But I never shy away from the direct experience of God/Spirit/Soul/Truth. 

Reasons to Celebrate

Thanksgiving as a way of life

"Cultivate the habit of being grateful for every good thing that comes to you, and to give thanks continuously. And because all things have contributed to your advancement, you should include all things in your gratitude."
                                                                                       Ralph Waldo Emerson

Thanksgiving Day has come and gone but the reason to give thanks is always with us. Being grateful as a way of life changes the primary structure of the way we live. Waking up with a gladness for the day ahead, for being able to stretch, move and brush our teeth in the morning. Saying good morning to the beautiful spirit looking back at you in the mirror and then setting about to make it a good morning.

It isn't selfish to continually do the thing that makes you feel really good on the inside because what makes us feel honestly well in the depths of our being never harms another soul. Doing the "right thing" each time we have a choice makes for a community that feels right with everyone.

If in your secret heart of hearts you pray to go forward, following the lead of Spirit, your direction will always be right.

When we think about right let's remember that it is doing the work you have been counted on to do. If you say that you will complete a task then, of course, you do it. You become a person that others can count on. If you have no intention of doing something then you bravely tell the truth about it. Others will come to know you as reliable. A person who is honest and does what they say they will do. This forges an inner respect that makes you "feel good" but it doesn't stop with you, it spreads to those you work with or otherwise come in contact with. This good will is felt by anyone who comes in close proximity to you, this lighter energy lifts moods without reasoning, and all because you feel better when you know that you can count on your Self.

                           

So this day I give thanks by paying attention to what I bring to each situation, each person, each moment. Noticing the glory of God in each encounter and understanding that it is a privilege to share these times with the other Spiritual Beings I encounter. 

Wishing you well.

Reasons To Celebrate

A bird does not sing because it has an answer. It sings because it has a song.

                                            --Chinese Proverb

Today I write happily...this is my song. Everything seems fresh and new after a bout with the flu. It is strange, sometimes, how illness comes upon us. In one moment we are at our desk working and the next we are lying down too tired to care about the next thing that needs to be done. So we allow our body the rest that it craves...with only a little guilt. That is, we notice the thoughts passing by..."this needs to be done, that should be done". It didn't matter there was no energy for the doing, no way to push myself. This was Spirit forced rest.

The spin class went on without me and I had no balance for yoga so I paid attention to my breathing...slowly, succinctly, breathing with the knowing that this time spent in sickness was my unwelcome friend.

Last week I had inexplicable bursts of anger and now old fashioned influenza knocked me for a loop. Is there a learning that wants to be noticed? 

I had lunch recently with Alan Mong who works for a company that trains business people on expanding their memory and reaching their goals. His boss trained under Byron Katie who created a method called "The Work". In this method you ask yourself about things that are bothering you, "is it true?". You continue in this questioning until you find the things you are causing you upset  and find that they are not necessarily true, they are only your perception of things. I asked Alan about these angry outbursts...is it possible to change your basic nature? I understand that the answer is yes...I do not know that I believe this is true. Yes, we can change the way we think about things and many times this can be beneficial. Or we can encourage ourselves to be more extroverted or pull in a little if we are too extroverted. 

Why is it that I constantly have to change? Why do I have to constantly prove myself? Am I doing this as Soul work? Is this the reason I am here? "I'd love to see my type A husband have to meditate and contemplate our connection to Spirit for even short periods of time". No, I wouldn't want to see that, it would be too painful for him and I love and admire who he is.

Whatever it is that is calling for my attention...I will not turn away...leaning in and focusing my concentration in this place is the only way through. In a book called, "I Am The Door", I read a line the goes something like this, "if you walk up to a wall of fear with faith it turns into a door".

Where will this door lead?

Reasons to Celebrate

The Experience of Peacefulness

Daily I make the trek to my third floor office. There is a small chapel here now. Created in the space with a dormer window…the bench below it began to remind me of a church pew. Then a dear friend gifted me with a cross, just as I started imagining a cross in the point above the window which faces east. This is the place I like to meditate, on my mat before the cross.

As I spend more time with my writing other parts of my life seem to be flowing more elegantly. I have always preferred having large chunks of alone time. Or at least what seems like alone time from the outside. From my vantage point, in these moments I am being nurtured by the loving presence of God. This time is what gives the world outside meaning, this time of waiting and listening for His voice.

Life pulsates around me…the squirrels are chasing one another and jumping from branch to branch as the wind gently rustles the trees outside the windows of my office. I have read that one should not write in a place that they do other work. Yet I do.

It is here that I give webinars, it is here that I answer customer support calls, write emails, brainstorm on marketing pieces, participate in conference calls and work on keeping our database current.

This room has had many uses over the years as a guest room, as a game room and as a gathering room for teenagers to watch tv away from the prying eye of the adults in the house. There is a brick paved porch overlooking a small lake outside the French doors. I walk out there to breathe, to stretch and to take in the life all around me that is oblivious to who’s right and who’s wrong, or this deadline or that appointment it just goes about the joy of living.

Sometimes I miss this world which is a strange way to feel while I am here. But still there are times I hear a sound and realize that these sounds won’t be a part of what we experience next. I will not argue with the great mystery nor will I fear it. Instead I pay attention to experience the moment at hand so that I don’t miss it, if it makes a difference later on or not I won’t pretend to know. It matters to me now.

This center of peace is felt throughout my home. I remember once overhearing my son tell my daughter that she will miss the peacefulness of home when she goes away to college. Then recently she came home for the night because she missed the quiet. This is precious to me. It is the prayerful cover that permeates this place, the loving attention that they notice, that nourishes their Soul. For this I am grateful.

“The things you have learned and received and heard and seen in me, practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you.”

-        Philippians 4:9

When you live in Florida very soon you realize that there are only two seasons and there is no such thing as fall. It is still in the low 90’s with high humidity and it is almost October.

Sometimes around this time of year it is fun to get away to a cooler part of the country. So I planned a visit with my Aunt and Uncle in September.

They live in a serene woodland setting outside of Ft Wayne, Indiana in a traditional English Saltbox. It is painted a barn red and sits among some tall trees. My aunt Mary has planted hundreds of hostas and daffodils.  In this place it is easy to be in rhythm with the sounds of silence. I notice that my Spirit is energized here. The quiet resonates inside my soul, I can hear my footsteps and find that my breathing, my body and even my thoughts have relaxed.

                                              

Their house is filled with well-made classic furniture. My aunt Mary is elegant and understated and very beautiful. She lives in a joyful state, almost always, delighting in the birds that come to feed at one of the many birdfeeders placed outside her kitchen windows. 

She has a matter of fact way of dealing with whatever situation she is placed in…and she has taught me how to cope with situations I wanted to run from, mostly by example. She arrived with my uncle ready to help when my younger brother was in the hospital dying. A few years later when Mama left this world there they were again a strong and steady presence in my life.

My aunt and uncle don’t believe in God. At least that's what they say. Yet, they are the kindest and most generous people I know. They are in touch with the Loving Presence of Spirit, living quiet yet giving lives. Many battles have taken place in the name of religion, most of us believing that our way is the right way and that they are wrong.

God is Present in all of us whether we believe it, or sometimes, if we are aware of it. Our Spirit remains in constant contact with God who knows what our purpose is. My aunt and uncle live in this Loving Presence, they just have not given it a name.

The week I am to arrive in Indiana find that my uncle is suddenly in ICU and drifting in and out of consciousness. He is in renal failure and has congestive heart failure.

 I planned the trip to spend time with him while he was still able to weave a tale and share his sometimes slightly embellished stories. He is a great story teller. Instead, I am here to be with them through this time as they have always been with me.
  

What happens when we are facing debilitating illness is that what is happening in the world outside or things in our own lives in general, matter less and less. A week before he would have argued politics, becoming angry with the other side, now suddenly the things of the world become less important.

The reality is nothing is more important than our relationship with God.

My uncle is home now and doing very, very well.

The Freedom of Acknowledgement

Sinking into my "stuckness" brought something miraculous! 

Not the wild beating heart kind of magic that has one breathless and excited. No, this is more freeing. By stopping the pretense and sinking into the feeling, it lost it's hold over me.

Having a plan and making a commitment to "the practice" of my work began as only a thought...one of many that compete for my attention every moment. But this thought that I held and paid attention to, will free me for other things. 

James Allen wrote -

"The greatest achievement was at first and for a time a dream. The oak sleeps in the acorn: the bird sleeps in the egg: and in the highest vision of the soul, a waking angel stirs. Dreams are the seedlings of realities..."

a fairy from my garden

                                        
The dream is this: I will get better as I go. My voice will become more clear.

In the practice of yoga we breath into a pose, finding the edge of our comfort zone. It is in this place where change takes place. It is, at first, imperceptible but one day suddenly we discover that a pose becomes easy. The discomfort is gone. This is a good feeling to lean into. But in yoga as in life, it only means we find ourselves at a new edge with different and unfamiliar terrain. So we breath into it choosing to stay where we are for a time or making the choice to grow. Some of us need a nudge, some of us must be shoved, all of us will change. 

We can grow strong or weak. We can grow energized or weary. We can grow open or remain closed. Spirit wants us to choose the loving response to have faith that all is well even if it doesn't seem so at the time...and trust that this is true.

WORK AS PLAY

BEING STUCK IS OKAY

I continue on this journey and yet I am stuck.

Today I have decided that this is okay with me, for now. I am showing up each day in my work. In this way I am uncovering my relationship with a deeper part of my Self. 

Confusion is kind a constant companion lately and I will not shy away. The confusion is a message from this deeper Me, my Spirit, that place where I am connected to God, Higher Power, Loving Presence whatever it is that others want to call it. Labels don't much matter to me. My relationship with this benevolent and loving presence is as important as the air I breathe (more, since it will still be there when I have stopped breathing). So I do not run from confusion, I stay and do what it is I need to do, while making space for what I long to do.

On October 1st this year, fear stood before me yet I leaned in and took the first step willing to be just okay, ordinary. In this process there is learning going on.

So Spirit and I have embarked on a journey together...really, we have always been on this trek only sometimes I haven't paid attention. This is a pilgrimage back to my true self, the self who knows that God is always holding me up no matter what the outside appearance seems to show. The self who knows with no doubt at all that this confusion will pass and in it's place will be  the gift of clarity.

My body and my Spirit are pleased with my yoga practice and nudge me now to expand that practice. Spirit now gently pushes me to the place of sweet discomfort in my work. Then, when this place is no longer discomforting it will be time once again to push forward, to breathe into it, to understand that all of my questioning is leading to discovery.

 The truth shall make you free.    - John 8:32

That One Thing

This morning it was dark as I headed out the door to my yoga practice. The air had a hint of fall...well, Florida fall...I love these days. Beginning them with getting on the mat helps in every other area of my life...especially my work. 

I have shied away from talk about my work even though I call this blog Spirit, Soul and Work. The reason, I think, is that I am having a hard time being committed to the work I have been pulled into. If I write honestly (at least from my prospective) then I feel unloyal to my husband. 

Bob works night and day, tirelessly moving from one thing to the next. He will guide the programming, help a broker, take a customer service call then clean out a gutter without missing a beat. He wears too many hats...but has the ability to focus on whatever the task at hand is in that moment. Nothing is more important than the next thing he must do. The constant interruptions do not bother him, in fact, he is energized by them.

I, on the other hand, find my energy dissipating by the ringing phone or the next setback. Sometimes, just a short ride together in the car will completely exhaust me.

I love him. I admire him. I see that this is who he is.

In the the past few years I have become a master at change. I know that we do not have one cell that is the same as it was seven years ago. Everyone of them have been replaced by new cells with a brand new imprint on them. I have learned to get outside myself to set aside what I might want and just do the task at hand. To change who I am so that I am more what my husband and his company need. There are even times that I like it. 

An unrest nags at me while I do this work that doesn't feel like mine. I know that I am changing and I am growing and that these are good things. But there is an inner turmoil that vies for my attention...I am pushing it down, trying to stay focused on helping to make this company a success. Each day it gets tougher...ahh, that is the thought I need to change. 

A Morning Message

There is wonder in the world on the rainy, misty morning when God whispers in my soul that "this too, shall pass". I know that this is true, that things will not remain the same, they never do. 

How do I find my way through? The unknown seems so enormous, so foreboding. Or so it seems in this moment. 

Then the warm loving presence of Spirit envelops me and once again my fear subsides.

How do I write about this? Again a message from Spirit, "be like an open book hiding nothing. Share what is in your heart and do not fear ridicule".  

I watch now as fear grows smaller and finally subsides replaced again with the awareness of the Presence of God keeping me safe in all things.

Was it Wayne Dyer who coined the acronym for EGO = Edging God Out? When my ego gets in the way and I worry about how I will be perceived I am missing the purpose of these writings...to uncover that which is inside me. 

Wayne Dyer has been my mentor for many years though we have never met. His first book, "Your Erroneous Zones" was our first encounter and we have grown and changed together ever since. I was young and finding my way out a chaotic childhood. He was a professor who believed in this book so much that he bought the first release himself and set out on the road to hawk his wares. At least, that is how I remember it. 

We cannot grow from someone else's spiritual experiences.
It is only when we put the ideas into practice in our own lives and live by them that we begin to grow.  

Climbing the steps to my third floor office sometimes takes my breath away. Not in a good way. Especially if I have been away for awhile. But I do love the commute...no traffic to deal with, no red lights or road rage.

There are so many stresses in our daily lives. Whether it is a big presentation at work or back to back meetings with no time for preparation. Sometimes just having people over can cause great stress especially if the house hasn't been cleaned in awhile.

I wonder lately if thinking about stress isn't an American luxury. Can you imagine someone in Africa going about their daily rounds and gathering drinking water for the day stopping to chat about how stressful their lives are?

After years of retraining my brain to think differently about many things now my levels of stress are under the microscope.

My niece advises to breathe God in and anxiety and worry out. She calls these "one minute meditations". In yoga this is called, "the breathe of the ocean" breathing deeply in through your nose then slowly exhaling out your nose  so that you hear the sound of the ocean in your ears.

Exercise can help, especially if we break a sweat, since it releases chemicals in our brains which helps induce a more relaxed state. Of course, if we are missing the workout because our mind is drilling us on the next thing we need to do it probably won't help as much. There is total truth in the importance of being in this moment. 

Just a few minutes of mediation daily will reroute the neural pathways in your brain making us more peaceful. Which doesn't mean lazy it means moving with grace and getting everything done one thing at a time.

The last thing to keep our attention on is what is really important? What is it that must be done? Do those things first. If exercise and meditation are real priorities then treat them like any other meeting, this one with your Self.

 Make an appointment with Spirit daily and keep it.

This is the way to stretch time and enjoy less stress.

HOW SUMMER GOT HER NAME

I have an intimate connection with the energy of my spirit. 

When I was pregnant with Summer I was 36 years old so the doctors took extra precautions. I had some blood work done and they came to me with concern that this baby may have Downs Syndrome. They wanted to do further testing and I asked, "What if this baby does have problems? Then what? Mind you, I was as big as a house already and could feel this beautiful spirit moving inside me. They told me that one of my options could be a Dr. who did late abortions for this reason. Really?

Now this is not to get into an abortion debate, but the truth is, there was no way for me to disconnect with this little creature growing inside me. Not at this stage of the game. I was so filled with love for whoever this would be that I didn't want to mention it to my husband. I didn't want to have the kind of talk that could even bring up the possibility of something like this. Honestly, I don't remember if we even talked about this or not.

I'm not sure how days I carried this sweet child around before she came to me in a dream. 

The dream was this...I am walking along the shore at the beach feeling very peaceful when a girl of about five years old walks up from behind on my leftside and reaches for my hand. It feels so natural as I look down on this lovely child with copper brown hair falling in tumbled waves around her face, as she looks up at me she tells me her name is Summer.

I know exactly who she is.

I woke up immediately excited to know that this was a girl! Her name would be Summer and she was perfectly okay. There would be no more need for any tests or worry at all.

When I shared this dream with Mama she wanted me to prepare myself in case I was wrong. But I wasn't and I knew it.

Summer is 21 now and has that old hollywood movie star hair and better than Angelina Jolie lips!