That One Thing

This morning it was dark as I headed out the door to my yoga practice. The air had a hint of fall...well, Florida fall...I love these days. Beginning them with getting on the mat helps in every other area of my life...especially my work. 

I have shied away from talk about my work even though I call this blog Spirit, Soul and Work. The reason, I think, is that I am having a hard time being committed to the work I have been pulled into. If I write honestly (at least from my prospective) then I feel unloyal to my husband. 

Bob works night and day, tirelessly moving from one thing to the next. He will guide the programming, help a broker, take a customer service call then clean out a gutter without missing a beat. He wears too many hats...but has the ability to focus on whatever the task at hand is in that moment. Nothing is more important than the next thing he must do. The constant interruptions do not bother him, in fact, he is energized by them.

I, on the other hand, find my energy dissipating by the ringing phone or the next setback. Sometimes, just a short ride together in the car will completely exhaust me.

I love him. I admire him. I see that this is who he is.

In the the past few years I have become a master at change. I know that we do not have one cell that is the same as it was seven years ago. Everyone of them have been replaced by new cells with a brand new imprint on them. I have learned to get outside myself to set aside what I might want and just do the task at hand. To change who I am so that I am more what my husband and his company need. There are even times that I like it. 

An unrest nags at me while I do this work that doesn't feel like mine. I know that I am changing and I am growing and that these are good things. But there is an inner turmoil that vies for my attention...I am pushing it down, trying to stay focused on helping to make this company a success. Each day it gets tougher...ahh, that is the thought I need to change.