On Saturday morning there were 111 people in my yoga class! We were very close together. Usually I do not notice the other people in class, as I focus on what is going on inside of me during this time. But on this day the man in front and to left of me is breathing in a way that is irritating. Breathing is very important in Yoga...ujjayi breath, the breathe of the ocean. One should be able to hear it.
As the class continues I realize that the women in front of me to the right is working very hard to make her "warrior" lower and stronger. I am noticing her work instead of my own.
We continue breathing and flowing from one move smoothly to another and I notice yet another women who bothers me in another way. Again I move to my breath, unfocused and wondering why there are so many annoying people here today when Spirit whispers, these are the places in you that you have not been aware of.
As I looked outside of myself during what is always an inner exercise I was noticing the weaknesses of my own practice.
Maybe I will never become the person I long to be. One who never judges another, one who is always patient, kind, loving. One who always moves with the awareness of Spirit in all things.
How can I be okay with that? This is so important to me, how is it that I do it badly?
Can I be okay with who I am and not who I want to be? I am upset and everything is churning inside.
Now a calmness settles over me..."be gentle with yourself, I hear. So that is how I can bring non judgement to another. Stop judging myself!
Leave the judgements to the one who is perfect.
Long ago I was met with the realization that everyone doesn't "hear" this voice and so I kept quiet about it and felt myself to be different. I promise that I am not a "crazy person" and do not need to be medicated, at least most of the time!:) But I stayed quiet about the presence that surrounds me when I pay attention. The one that whispers, that I hear in my heart because these are not the conversations of everyday life.
We may not "hear" or "feel" this presence in the same way but if we can calm our parade of thoughts and pay attention to the stillness that beckons, the quiet waiting in the background then we can understand that this connection to Spirit is the way we were constructed.
It is true, as Jesus said, "I and the Father are one". While we bumble around in search of God He/She lovingly awaits our attention. Always here. Always.
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