Reasons To Celebrate

"And the peace of God which passeth all understanding will guard your hearts and minds..."

                                                                                 Phillipians4:7

I thought to write about this kind of peace and suddenly I had nothing to say. Words would not come. And so I waited, knowing that if I was meant to write them it would happen in due time.

Even now I am uncertain...yet I honor this time of writing...beginning with a prayer. 

In an earlier posting I talked about how Summer got her name. What I may not have mentioned was the turmoil I felt when they said there was a possibility that the baby could be less than perfect. I remember not talking to my husband about this at first because I didn't want it to seem real. Though there was almost constant conversation with God and I that day. Back then I only went to God when I wanted something. "Help me, God with this" was usually the way it went. Rarely did I think to be thankful. 

Through the years, beginning when my children were small, I began noticing the profound "wonderfulness" of life. Spirit sat with me at times when I wanted to die. Life was not so sweet with young children and a husband who didn't really want to be there. I didn't blame him, we were only learning what true partnership is back then. Or maybe I didn't value myself enough at the time.

Early in our relationship I toyed with thinking suicidal thoughts...but just as the thoughts began carrying me away, a baby would cry. This seemed to happen right on que shaking me out of my darkness. This sweet little creature needed holding...or was I the one who yearned for soothing? So we had each other these babies and me. Before their angel dust fell away and their human bonds began...they gave me glimpses of where they came.

Bound by Motherhood and the urge to protect and nurture them in ways that would allow them to grow untethered. I discovered a teacher, a friend, a protector, a counselor, a loving presence where I could rest, or lick my wounds. A peaceful place where the answers would come. This is the place of Spirit. It is always here hovering in the background the place where my Soul is refilled and renewed.   

My relationship with own Mother was stormy at best...but that is another writing. We did love each other, very much...but I had to learn to "mother" myself in order for our loving relationship to finally exist.