About Me

"The real juice of life, whether it be sweet or bitter, is to be found not so much in the products of our efforts as in the process of living itself, in how it feels to be alive."

                                                                                       George Leonard

There are no secrets to living a happy life. When we move away from the voice of Spirit whispering the way to go, we find ourselves adrift. Getting quiet enough to hear is what keeps us from listening. We get busy and involved with life on the merry go round. As a society we covet being busy. The busier we are the more important we feel. But somehow it all begins to blend together and we are not satisfied when we lie down at night and let go of the day. 

Only recently I wrote about feeling disconnected and discombobulated. I allowed myself some sacred space to feel my discontent, to quiet my inner landscape, even though it felt uneasy.The wonderful gift of that day was a retreat back to daily meditation. Quiet time with Spirit...daily. Yes, everyday. Sometimes just puttering in the garden. Sometimes before during and after my yoga practice. Or before working at my computer. Always, as I lay me down to sleep. My Soul is filled with joy. Not the exuberant, oh my goodness how happy I am kind of joy, but and inner connection with Spirit that comes only when we take the time to quiet ourselves and pay attention. 

Life is not perfect, (or maybe it is) but now I am noticing who walks beside me, within me, constantly. God/Spirit is with each and every one of us. Though many are so focused on what is not in their lives that they are missing the very truth of their being. 

Put space around your thoughts don't let your thoughts think you. Notice the chatter and let it go...it really isn't all that important. It will come back, anyway, it always does. There is a quiet hum behind the noisy world in which we live...stop there a moment. It feels really,

really good to be alive.

Until next time...

 

Reasons To Celebrate

"Learn how to see. Realize that everything connects to everything else."
                                                                                         Leonardo da Vinci

Lately I have been pulled into a piece of my past that I had laid aside for many years. We do that sometimes, put things and memories away for later. Little snippets of thoughts and pieces of dreams would come to mind and then drift away. 

This was a time that has warm memories. A time when a group of twenty somethings were living in southern California.

My teen years were spent listening to (and singing with) the Beach Boys. Outside, the Ohio winters were howling but inside my room was the sound of the beaches in California. A state I had never set foot in. In fact, other than my grandparents farm in Tennessee I had never left Ohio and Michigan.

But there came a day when I decided to go. When I told my Mom I was leaving, she just said "I always knew you would do something like this". I didn't understand what she meant but she didn't try to stop me. I had no credit cards and little money I also had no doubt that I would get there. I slept in rest stops along the way sometimes lying back on a picnic table for a quick nap. I wasn't fearful at all, just living the adventure moment by wonderful moment.

When my car broke down in the desert on the last leg of my journey I just got out of my car and tilted my head back soaking up the sun. Shortly a van with extra water for my radiator stopped to help and in minutes I was on my merry way. I loved that journey! I was venturing out on my own at last, hoping to leave that lost mixed up soul I had become, behind.

My mother had also reminded me that I would be taking me with me, and she was right. I brought my habits, my thoughts, my image of my Self. I also brought the frightened girl who continually talked to Spirit/God asking for guidance while sometimes not listening and making many mistakes. Making my Self feel bad then trying again. I love that younger me for always trying again...for never giving up. She was sometimes foolishly fearless and somehow always protected. She still makes me smile.

The rule breaker rebel I once was is still here. She is living peacefully with the nice girl who does the right thing just because that is what she wants to do.

Take good care of those parts of you that you may not want others to see. Those are part of the very fiber of your being. What you did, thought, said, that you wish to keep hidden helps you discover the parts of you that you shine up and put on display...on Facebook, at work, in front of friends.

There is a loving force that is always there to call on...that permeates our very existence with love. Pause a moment and feel this beautiful energy with your next breath. Always there. Always faithful.

Until next time...take really good care.

About Me

"Happiness...not in another place, but this place, not in another hour, but this hour."

                                                                                       Walt Whitman

It is a stormy day in Florida...it kind of matches my mood. I woke up this way...feeling like a tiger in a cage that is too small. Striding from one side to another snapping my tail and growling if someone dares to speak to me. Doesn't sound very Spiritual does it?

My Soul feels unsettled and I noticed right away. The inner dialog with Spirit goes something like this: " I am feeling caged, trapped and like a nobody...why am I angry?" Spirit says: You are choosing these thoughts and with them come these feelings, stop. Me: That's easy for you to say you aren't the one who has done nothing with her life. Spirit: Is that the way you're choosing to see your life today?

I know I cannot continue the assault on my being I have been listening to Spirit for far too long.

I walk outside to work in my garden, there are new azaleas to plant since I want to fill them in from one side of the yard to the other. Working in the dirt is good for me. I dig and plant and somehow work through my jagged edges. 

I learned from Spirit long ago not to heed the negative thoughts that sometimes pummel me telling me I am not a worthy human being because I am not a type A doer that I sometimes I wish I were. I am not as accomplished as I had hoped to be. I am mostly quiet, always paying attention inside my mind and outside in life. I am a nurturer. A space keeper. 

Today I am holding sacred space for my Self...even my writing is disconnected, but, I am writing anyway...knowing that these thoughts and feelings will pass. They do not come as often as they used to and they do not stay as long...there will be a time very soon when they will dissolve at the noticing. 

"You are confined only by the walls you build yourself"

                                                                                        author unknown

I call this blog Spirit, Soul and Work because I feel Spirit working through my Soul a lot of the time. I am paying attention to the whispers of Spirit most of my waking moments. It is important to me to live in such a way that honors and allows time for quiet talks with the Master.

For the last few days I have served on jury duty. The process was long and arduous (because of the constant sitting and waiting) but I held my self open to the experience. After some time I was placed on a jury.

Our case was relatively cut and dry. A man robbed a bank, was caught with money a short time later and admitted his guilt. The defense attorney had hoped for guilt on a lesser charge. We, the jury, found him guilty to the letter of the law. 

At first two of the jurors thought he should be guilty of theft and for a few minutes during closing arguments I leaned that way. But it was clear that this man robbed a bank. After the verdict, the judge told us that this man had just gotten out of prison after 16 years for the same crime and had been incarcerated many times before.

I walked away saddened for this man. He has been in prison his whole life and would likely die there. He never opened himself to the possibility of freedom from his own demons. He just couldn't do it. I sent a silent blessing to him I pray he feels the love surrounding him. I am glad he is no longer on the street and will have food and a regular place to sleep.

My Soul knows that we all create little prisons for ourselves...little imaginary cages that keep us confined. The only way out is to notice that they are created by our own thoughts about things and are not really holding us back, unless we choose to believe they are. There is so much love here, so much joy.

Choose to love your self, to take care of yourself in the most loving way possible. Step out of self imposed shackles. Is there something in your life that it's time to let go of? Give it some thought and know that there is a loving Presence with you now. You can notice or not...still there...helpful, loving, encouraging...

Until next time...

Namaste

Work As Play

"I will act as if what I do makes a difference" 

                                                                                     William James

I continue to work for an internet company doing mostly customer support. What I find amusing about this is, I am the least technical person I know. 

If the world around us is a reflection of the world within us...what does this mean?

My yoga practice is becoming more important in my daily life. For the past few years I have practiced yoga at the Y. I began with an incredible instructor who breathed us through entire classes and rarely took a pose except to demonstrate when necessary. This gave me a foundation, an inner awareness of each asana and the breath that accompanied it.

After this instructor left to open her own studio I continued classes with other instructors using the awareness  I learned from her. This week I have begun an at home practice and a renewed strength is building inside me. I will be writing about my practice and the changes taking place both inside me and outside. Because, as we know, when something changes on the inside it will become noticeable in the rest of our lives.

I am excited to journey into these changes finally allowing my Self to "come out". Not in the way so many athletes and actors have been lately, with their inner gayness, but with my own secret...my inner hippie! :) I am not woo woo. I just know that there is a loving energy that pervades all things...I have always seen it and felt it and hid my knowledge of it to fit in. But where do I fit except into other peoples ideas of what is real?

Journey with me, if you like, into your own awareness of the pulse of life beating within you. Breathe in this life force, God, this Spirit that has always been with us and stays with us until our last breath.Then lovingly escorts us to the next phase of our Soul travels.

Until next time...Namaste

"Yesterday is already a dream, and tomorrow is only a vision;

but today, well lived, makes every yesterday a dream of happiness,

and every tomorrow a vision of hope.

Look well, therefore, to this day!

Such is the salutation of the dawn."

Sanskrit Proverb

When I come downstairs in the morning and walk into my kitchen, this is what I see. These beautiful cats came into my life about thirteen years ago. They live mostly in the yard but sometimes come in to sleep if it is rainy or cold.They follow me around the garden adding a quiet contentment to my day. I pour a cup of coffee then walk into the garden to feed them. Roxy, my doodle dog is always by my side during this morning ritual. Animals add certain elements to our lives...Roxy exudes joy! She teaches me to let go...to allow my happiness to unfold. We had another dog before her, Dartanya, whose energy was wisdom. I learned from her to pay attention...to slow down and really see.

                                                                       

.
It isn't only the animals in our lives who can help with learning on our journey, of course, the people we live with or encounter can do that also. Lately I have noticed that my husband's silly antics which lately have irritated me are now beginning to make me pause and smile and laugh! Why do I feel so serious? Where did this shell of irritation come from? My yoga practice has given me space around my thoughts. I can look out now and see how I am living in the world and create a shift if I want to by conciously allowing myself a different point of view.

Life really is very good. Choose joy today.

Until next time...

About Me

"When you lose yourself in some positive behavior, you forget your fears and worries; temporarily they cease to exist."

                                                                                            David K Reynolds

It is a gloomy day. I love these days...the cloud filled sky is casting dark shadows over every corner of my house. My office is dark but there is light on my computer so I light a candle for my writing. There is something about dark days and candles that comfort me. As I light the candle I take a moment and honor my Mother, it is a ritual I started after she died...

These drizzly days also take me back to the day my son was born. It was rainy as we headed to the hospital and that day gave me the most blissful love filled moments of my life. I had him naturally... with no drugs and I experienced the opening between wherever we come from and our place in the world. Pure unencumbered Spirit filled the room with a love so strong it was palpable...even the light changed...very difficult to describe. Descriptions of people who have had near death experiences are the same...the light and being ensconced in a powerful blissful love.

Today my son came into my office to talk out a situation and solicit advice and when he rose to leave he thanked me for always being there for him. I looked at the intelligent, thoughtful man he has become and know that Spirit has led me to "guide him without interfering, to nurture without grasping and to shelter without claiming". It is Spirit that he is drawn to...he can go directly to this guidance and by pass me, but for now he sometimes comes to me. I am grateful for that since I released him to adulthood awhile back.

The other thing that I love about rainy days is the knowing that the rain will stop. That the sun will shine again and brighten the world as it warms my skin. Blue skies will appear as the clouds break away. Life is really, really good even on the darkest days.

My hope is that you know this to and that you can hold this knowing in your darkest times.

Until next time...

 

Work As Play

"...so me and my silence sometimes need this meeting"

                                                                                                  arteiracraft
  

It is national heart month...the paper this morning had an article on what to do for a healthy heart. The four "do's" that they mentioned are: eat better, exercise everyday, get enough sleep and manage your stress. This is good advice, I guess, though it leaves out an important part of the equation. "Pay attention to your heart", Spirit whispers.

I met myself on the mat this morning for a Yin yoga class. This is slow moving and holding poses for longer than usual. It is a good way to meet your discomfort. Most of us would like to sidestep discomfort and, usually I am one of them, but this morning with the sun streaming in warming my muscles, I embraced it. I allowed the healing light of Spirit to wash over me. Noticing where the stretch would end,,,then breathing there, letting the release happen, or not. 

How our heart feels is a good indicator of how close to Spirit we are living our lives. Sometimes I pay attention and many times I do not. But this morning the healing light of the heart chakra washed over me, opened me, leaving a quiet but pure joy. It was a beautiful way to start the day.

Arriving home I opened the front door to my light filled entryway...sunlight filled the room warming the terracotta floors. Everything was quiet for a moment then the ethereal sound of old Irish ballads came on (a gift from my husband who must have turned on the music before heading to the office). I need to remember to thank him since this is his least favorite music and one of my favorites.

During my meditation I turn to silence. Some days I live in silence all day...these days are dear to me, it is in the silent meetings with Spirit that I most notice my how my life looks and how my heart truly feels. It is in these intentional times with Spirit I gain insight and direction. It is here that I can forgive myself for not being "enough". 

Today my heart is somewhat troubled and a little like the discomfort I danced with on the mat...as I held that discomfort I knew that it would be over soon. The trouble in my heart is my Spirit letting me know that something is off kilter...in my noticing I also know "that this to. shall pass"....

What is happening in your heart today? I hope that you can lovingly embrace whatever it is...and know that it will not remain...we are changing every moment of everyday that we are here...even when we don't notice the change it is still moving through us.

Take just a few minutes in silence and be okay with where you are and who you are...and embrace the happiness if that is what you find.

Until next time....

Namaste

Reasons to Celebrate

"Let us not love in word or speech but in deed and truth"

                                                                                                John 3:18

It is January. A time for new beginnings. There are lonely places in my life and I want to change that. This is the year to fill those places with golden nuggets of friendship and love. To allow my Self to open and receive while letting go of the dirt mixed with the gold that I have held onto. 

This year I want to notice the miracles in my life...oh, they have been noticed before but sometimes only enjoyed a short time before I allowed my thoughts to think me. When this happens, the thoughts run rampant, moving my focus to futures not there yet or what is wrong in my life. This is the year I will choose my thinking. I will pay attention to the whispers of Spirit and not only talk about it but do the deed and reveal the truth of my Soul. It is time.

Somewhere I have read that we are all just walking each other home and I see that this is true. Parents die, friends die, the children of friends die. We are shocked and devastated even if there has been some forewarning. We are given a debilitating diagnosis and wonder how this can happen to us. Our husbands reveal how unhappy they are and our hands are bound because only they can make the changes necessary to unwrap the hidden gem of joy. We lose a dog, a house, a job, a leg, and then we are immersed in devastating thoughts about these things and believe our worlds have fallen apart.

This is the year I will have compassion for my Self and my friends but I will not see them or myself in our weakness. No more. It is time to live the truths that have been revealed to me over and over again. Like Mother Theresa saw the face of Jesus in the diseased and hungry people in the streets of Calcutta it is time to see the beautiful true Spirit inside our human weakness. 

My intention for this year is to live in this knowing. Holding on to the truth that miracles are always available to us. Sometimes that means spontaneous healing and sometimes it means loving the transition to the next realm.

I do not know what this year will hold for me though I written five things I want to create. I won't reveal those 5 things today but I hope that you will join me on this journey of life on planet earth as I set out to create these desires. I will share what happens from my truth in the knowing that you are a fellow traveler and perhaps a layer of remembrance will be revealed.

Sending love and appreciation to you...

Until next time... 

Reasons To Celebrate

"It does not matter how slowly you go as long as you do not stop"

                                                                                        Confucius

The super moon appeared in the sky last night and by happy coincidence my favorite people and I walked around the lake to soak up the sight of it. These times in nature fill me up in ways that nothing else does.

These are the times when I feel timeless...when I notice that my Soul is connected to Spirit in quiet, magnificent ways. I am also connected to others in these ways...some of them know it, many do not. As we walked around the lake in the moonlight I noticed that all of us were happy to be together in a sort of moon cocoon surrounding us.

Life truly is what we make it. Sad, stressful, joyful.

Some of us learn this at a young age and for some of us it takes a little longer. I love the quote above by Confucius, "It does not matter how slow you go as long as you do not stop".

About Me

Following is an icebreaker speech I gave at my first toastmaster's group...thought it would give insight to my vantage point...

I have thought long and hard about what to say, that matters, about the woman who stands before you..

.I have inhabited many bodies just as you all have. I have been a baby, a child, a teenager. I was raised in the city, in Toledo Oh where I was born about thirty miles from Detroit, Michigan. I grew up listening to the Beach Boys in Motown,  wondering how God could have gotten it so wrong. Didn’t he know I was supposed to be a California girl?

Back then, my favorite aunt Emma Jean gave me a book of poetry and inside the front cover she wrote, to Darla, the vivacious. I loved that word, vivacious, I immediately had to look it up. Vivacious: it means lively and high spirited. She made me feel so loved, with that inscription.

Around that time I drove across country with little more than two hundred dollars, sleeping in rest areas, with no cell phone and it did not occur to me to be afraid. When I told my mother that I was leaving she only said that she knew I would do something like that. We didn’t have a great relationship at the time, and, it would take years before it healed, but it did heal, and we shared a lot of love for a lot of years before she died. And then, I was no longer a daughter.

I could tell you that I was once a college student at Cal Poly in southern California. 

Later, I married and became a young mother with small children who started buying books with titles like Sunflower Houses and Hollyhock Days  I wanted to create magical play spaces in my backyard and that was the time I learned to love working in the garden.

The truth is the woman you see here is not me. She is not me. She continues to change. And one day will be an old woman if she doesn’t die first.

I am the seer behind the eyes…as my body changes so does my perception unfold. I am aware that the more I learn and think I know the less sure of anything I become. A belief that I once held true, can change. Since a belief is only a thought that you are 100% committed to and you can change your thoughts. I learned that from Anthony Robbins when I did a three day intensive and did his famous fire walk.

I am computer phobic who works in an internet company what does that say about Gods sense of humor?  I work many hours a day managing processes at my computer, it is here that the transformation from Susie homemaker/ stay at home mom to business women running with mostly type A guys has happened. It didn’t happen overnight and I changed in fits and starts…but when I released myself to the new me, waiting once again to unfold, giving into the process rather than trying to hold on to a life that was no longer mine. I noticed a thread of the old me coming though.

I am a voyeur, an observer, I pay close attention to life as it goes before me, the ebb and the flow of the days, the rhythm of the hours.

I love the early morning light that comes through the windows, signaling yet another day… The two cats and a dog who welcome the morning with me, impatiently waiting to be fed. I stretch and make coffee before my three mile walk around Lake Eola with Roxy my  Doodle dog. She continually teaches me the art of being happy. I seriously think she smiles on these walks…I know that she looks up at me with pure joy… usually when we are about a third of the way into our walk.

Since this talk is supposed to be an ice breaker which would give you, the listeners, insight into who I am I thought sharing, how I see myself was more true than the roles I have played. Because the roles are always temporary while the seer inside holds them as memory and these are the things that matter to the woman who stands before you.

Of course, this was meant to be spoken and not read...still I am compelled to share it here. Wishing you much love.

Reasons To Celebrate

 "The house shelters daydreaming, the house protects the dreamer,  the house allows one to dream in peace." 

                                                                                               Gaston Bachelard

Sunrise came through the arched windows in my entryway this morning, like the almost full moon peeked through last night. I haven't noticed that in awhile. Last night, and this morning, I paused for a moment to allow the moon and the mystical beauty of the sky to wash over me. These are the moments when God seeps into my Soul.

In recent weeks I have been paying closer attention to the things that I am grateful for. There are so many blessings that cover me...I wonder how it is, at times, that I can make myself so miserable.

Really, I shouldn't wonder, I had excellent training while growing up. My beautiful Mother searched for happiness all of her life. In later years she found it in small doses...in decorating beautifully and dressing elegantly in white lace and crochet. But the happiness that eluded her was on the inside, you see, she never accepted the woman she was. She never understood that this is what blocked true contentment from her restless Spirit.

When I was young Mama called me the great pretender. Somehow I saw things as sunny when they weren't, and found fun even when circumstances seemed dire. As a child it was my nature. Through the years though I learned melancholy. When I noticed that I had slipped into that way of seeing things it took concious effort to shift that distorted thought system.

Being vigilant about noticing the thoughts that we are thinking gives one the choice to change them. Spirit calls our Souls to joy...to love. That is the place I want to live...even if I am pretending. As we move about in our pretense we make room for happiness to alight on us from within and the pretending fades away.

Work As Play

"We are only confined by the walls we build ourselves."

                                                                                                        "author unknown"

I was in Dallas a few weeks ago on a business trip that I dreaded. It was an assembly of delegates in a business rife with politics. (No, I don't work in governmental politics but the atmosphere is still as delicate to maneuver.) I work with all guys in a technology company, which tells me that God has a HUGE sense of humor. The guys are not afraid of going to battle, if necessary, to put us in a better position on the chessboard of work. I am not afraid either, in fact, I have surprised  myself in recent past with my fearlessness. But walking into the lion's den is never my cup of tea.

The quote above, that began this post, was sent to me by my son who knew I only wanted out of there. It is so irritating when your child turns your lessons back on you, no matter how well intentioned. Honestly, it made me smile, then I turned a magnifying glass on my thoughts and the feelings that resulted because of them. I question how long I will use the minutes of my life doing a job that most of the time I have to force myself to like?


I know that pushing the limits of my comfort zone is good for expanding who I am and this is why I have chosen to do this so far. So for now the question lingers...how long?

About Me

"A little faith will bring your soul to heaven, but a lot of faith will bring heaven to your soul"

                                                                                   author unknown

I am grateful that Spirit continues to open my eyes in each moment. Not yet every moment, but often.

This morning as I threw in a load of laundry, saying a silent prayer of thanks that I have clothing and a washer and dryer and a room for sorting and folding, I am struck by the knowing that one day I will miss this. As that knowing lights on me the sun chimes in the entry way begin their melodious chiming.

It makes me smile and my aunt Jean, who gave the chimes to my mother comes to mind. She misses this and one day I will to. So today I enjoy the sun streaming through the windows warming up the terracotta tiles on the floor for my bare feet.

Earlier on my mat this morning (yoga) I am aware that Spirit is awakening my Soul...continually. It is a process not a destination. My breath transports me to a peaceful place of awareness. This morning I am stiff in places and stretches I have done many times before were painful today...and so I notice. Where are the places I am holding pain inside my Soul/body this morning? What mistaken belief am I affirming as if it is real? God is here in my breath...breathing me.

 Mumford and Sons have a song that calls out to me and, obviously many others, it is called Awake My Soul. Listen sometime to the lyrics and the happy heartfelt way they sing and play their instruments. I stop whatever I am doing when I hear this song...these beautiful men are in touch with Spirit in ways that I don't know and for a moment I am with them.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=N0hQ3PQ3VUo


I pray you AWAKE it is a wonderful place to experience the world.

WORK

"Think of your work life, therefore, not as separate from your spiritual life but as central to your spiritual life. Whatever your business, it is your ministry."

                                                                                               Marianne Williamson

Magical change is floating through the ethers and dancing around me. There is an underlying anticipation, not, the dread, I was feeling in the recent past. Joy flutters nearby, landing lightly so that I notice a better way to live.

Do the years always bring wisdom? I think not. It is important to pay attention to what we are thinking and our particular point of view. By understanding that our way is not the only way to think or to live, we expand our consciousness, and cultivate our wisdom.

When life seems to be falling apart can we realize that we always choose our vantage point in life. Our part in choosing how we look at life will continue only as long as we pay attention. If it is possible for Nelson Mandela to spend a great part of his life in prison and not become bitter, then it is possible for any of us. Some of us live in self imposed prisons.

Then we tell ourselves stories about why this cannot change. Is there a place that you have always thought you wanted to go? Did you go? Do you really want to go? Do you need to hold yourself back? You can go or not go. The choice is always yours. Know that this is true. Always.
Self imposed prisons can keep us from eating or eating too much. From making a telephone call. From doing what we know we could do to open to our next level.

We choose who we want to be and we become that person by stepping through fears. By doing the thing that makes us nervous and allowing ourselves to feel good about our accomplishments. Small steps or giant leaps, it really makes no difference. Unless, of course, that is one of the perceptions you have chosen to hang onto.

Listening is a difficult skill since most of us are waiting to talk. We are formulating our thoughts without paying complete attention to what another is saying to us. We think we know what they are saying or maybe we don’t care.

The changes we have been seeking are upon us. It is happening even as I type these words. Something so magical and wonderful that I cannot fathom it is weaving closer. The energy is near and its presence is known. I am preparing for the change. Dusting, sorting, and getting things in order. 

I love seeing Bob laughing and playing with Roxy! We will have more laughing days. We can take care of our beautiful home again…loving it for sheltering us from the heat and the storms of life. Our reverent refuge.  This is our place of peacefulness. This is the place where we are restored and renewed. Made ready for another day of finding joy in whatever comes our way. Moving through the day with the understanding that God is in charge gives one a feeling of protection.
 

 

WORK

"Row, row, row your boat gently down the stream...
                           merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily life is but a dream...."

My Soul has guided me to allow my true self to be seen in all situations...I can say, that until recently, I have tried to stay hidden, in the background. This is the place I have been most comfortable. A mostly silent observer. But Spirit continues to whisper different plans for me...even when I argue about the value of what I offer. I now figure things out that previously I couldn't do. I create plans and strategies for our business. I share my vision with our team. Our future as a company remains to be seen even as this inner me unfolds.

Last night I worked a trade show. This is not my favorite part of my job. These vendors pay bunches of money, then stand in their booth hoping to make a contact with someone, maybe build a relationship and get them to purchase their products. To me, this is so manufactured. So out of touch with the reality of life. Maybe, at one time, this was the ideal but it only seems tired to me now.

The head of this particular association is a strong, powerful women who has run the association like a well oiled machine. She has always been articulate and professional, but real. She may not know it but in many ways, she has been who I have modeled myself after as I learned the ropes in this new venture. I admire her very much.Several months ago she had a massive stroke and doctors had no hope for her survival. But she has survived and is back at work. This is a testament to her nature. As I spoke with her she mentioned that she has amassed more than three years of vacation days. Three years! 

"I feel like I am riding the wave of GOD, watching the future me reveal her Self."                            

 Later I was talking to someone else I have known for maybe fours years...we are friendly but superficial. Business. He shared that he was diagnosed with Non-Hodkins Lymphoma two weeks ago.

It was our most real conversation. I lightly touch on meditation and inviting stressful thoughts to sleep in a different room for the night...not to worry  because they will still be there in the morning.

As we are talking another guy walks by and my "new" friend shouts out, "how ya doing?". The other guy says back, "good man, you livin' the dream?" My new friends answer was "yes, I'm livin the dream." This six second encounter catapulted me off the tradeshow floor. To these thoughts...

Yes...it is true. We are all livin' the dream. Where we focus our attention reveals our values. Whatever we think about what surrounds us, enfolds us, becomes us. Thoughts (concious or unconcious) and the actions that follow create the lives we live.

I want to share a video, it is short and powerful. A beautiful 109 year old Holocaust survivor tells her secrets: (Maybe the video will come later when one of my kids stops by and shows me how to add it.)

She says in essence that Optimism is the key to her life...life is beautiful...to admire...to think...to be thankful...know about the bad things but look to the good...ah yes...I second that emotion....

                                                 

Home

"Ritual is the technique for giving life"

                                                                           Thomas H. Peters and Robert H. Waterman Jr
                                                                           IN SEARCH OF EXCELLENCE

Homemaking and creating nurturing spaces is something that seems a little old fashioned today. It may be quietly talked about in the safety of women's friendships...but not often. No matter how much we seem to progress in areas of our work, the art of creating the atmosphere of "home" is mostly left to women...and this creation is likely left to chance. Instead we focus on the decoration of our homes, nervously wondering whether or not we got it right.

Some women seem to be born unto this, others, not so much. Creating a refuge for ourselves and our families can be like everything else in life...a journey inside ourselves. Even if we choose not to put ourselves into it..it is still a reflection of our inward journey...something else is more important to us at this time.

As a young girl and throughout my life I have noticed the difference in houses of the women who invited me in. Admiring the differences and learning from each one. It is ritual that sets them apart.
A cooks kitchen, a room for reading, a massive television or a garden, these things and many more broadcast what is valued most by the family who lives there.

Being organized has never come easy to me...I remember the first time I invited my in laws (a very large family) to my tiny ranch style house for Christmas Eve. It was a tradition started in my family by my Aunt Jean. She was an excellent housekeeper and she planned and prepared for weeks before the party. I on the other hand knew what I wanted to serve and had decorated my tree but even the day before, I was ill prepared for guests.

My sister in law Francis stopped by to help and in her wonderfully southern way taught me the "art of stuffing". (That is placing things out of sight under beds and tables and anywhere else we could find the space.) She knew we didn't have time to put things away and clean as we went along so she graciously helped me "stuff". After that I got more serious about my home keeping habits.

It was a practice. I cleaned and the house stayed neat. I let it go. I tried again. I failed again. Until years later neatness is finally a habit. It makes me so happy when my children say I am a clean freak! I am far from a perfectionist. But I do use the technique of ritual...drop it, pick it up, open it, close it, get it out, put it back. These ideas and others were novel to me. They honestly have no idea. What they do know is I want my house to welcome me home...to feel like a hug when I walk in. To be a refuge from the outside world. For regrouping, refreshing and renewing my Soul before I go back out into the world and I want it for my family also.

Now for the the ritual of dusting.....

WORK

"Let us, then, be up and doing..."

                                                              Henry Wadsworth Longfellow


It is Monday morning and I am at my desk ready to begin my work day...as I look around this morning there is much work that calls to me, waiting to be done. Sometimes we move through our days just "up and doing", like Longfellow says, yet we can give the things we do, a quality unique to us, if we pay attention. Actually the quality is always unique to us with or without our attention. Yikes!

It is the essence of our Soul that we impart to our daily work. We were all born of the same God, the God of love...how is it that we sometimes get so far away from this fact? How do we lose ourselves "just up and doing"? I know that Longfellow meant for us to  make plans to do things, and the planning and the doing, increase our energy...it is true that we need things to look forward to and work to accomplish in order to be fulfilled. And it is also true, that sometimes, we only need to relax into our being and allow the God of the Universe to fill us.

My work teaches me to make a plan then take steps to activate the plan. While I go about my work I occasionally veer off the path and learn many things about my Spirit...where am I holding myself back? Why do I think there is only one way to tackle a task? I know that in everything I do God/the essence of my Soul whispers lessons for me to learn. I listen closely and continue to grow.

Maybe everything is not a lesson...maybe we are here just to be. 

Maybe that is true for others but learning the lessons of Spirit seems to be the reason for my life. It has been a life long learning journey...I pray and meditate and read and worship and still life unfolds in ways that force me inside..asking for answers...maybe my learning curve is large. One lesson that I have learned is that God/Spirit is always here with me. Always. Loving me. Guiding me. For that I am grateful.

Now, to my daily work...

                   

Reasons To Celebrate

"Grown-ups never understood anything for themselves, and it is tiresome for children to be always and forever explaining things to them."

                                                                             Antoine De Saint-Exupery


Early Monday morning my husband and I flew to an idyllic setting in the rolling hills of Tennessee. The reason for the trip was a celebration of life for his cousin Craig. Craig died recently with a horrible and painful cancer yet he was surrounded with many people who loved him and he knew that they were there.

His mother, my husband's aunt Helen, is one of the people I admire most in this world. Many years ago when her children were young, she was driving to meet her husband after work and came upon an accident. The accident involved her husband who died at the scene leaving Helen with three small children to raise. Craig was eight years old and he was the eldest. Now he has died leaving behind his eight year old daughter. Before he left his body he said wanted Amanda to have what he did not have growing up: her father.

It is strange how sometimes life loops around...how both Amanda and Craig lost their father at eight years old. Why remains yet another of life's  mysteries. I wonder if we ever discover the why's? God reveals some secrets but others remain outside our level of understanding. It is here that we can only rest in the love God has for each one of us. Losing the questions in our complete and total faith that the Master of the universe...God, the everlasting father, the prince of peace is in control and all is well.

Everyone who came together for Craig's celebration of life stayed at the same lovely lodge which had gathering places indoors and out with garden paths and woodland trails. Being together for 24 hours allowed time for Craig to reveal himself through stories told by those who loved him best. We watched video pictures and listened to stories as we sat by the outdoor fire and made smores.

There was a pond with fish to feed for the children. I watched Amanda play with her friend. She seemed to sink into the comfort of her surroundings, knowing that everyone who gathered here cared about her loss. She will surely miss the father whose legs she rubbed to bring him comfort. But now she will go on...with her beautiful  mother, full of strength and love and her wise and courageous grandmother to guide her.


This is what Craig wanted, those he loved to gather and celebrate his life. It was a restorative day a time for reconnecting with distant family members and resting in the fact this is part of the unfolding of life. His wife and mother and sister honored his wishes in such a precious way and will continue to celebrate him as they go about the days of their lives. His body may be gone but he is still with them in their memories...being helpful...as Amanda said.

Reasons To Celebrate

"For everything that lives is holy; life delights in life"

                                                                                              William Blake


This morning as I listen to the birds show their happiness at the arrival of Spring...I enjoy the promise that Jesus made. A promise of renewal...over and over again until we get it right. The promise of God's love prevailing over everything...All we have to do is believe and follow. How simple. How comforting.

Sometimes what we pray for and think we must have is not what we get in life. There are times that we must accept what life is like right where we are and know that the adventure is continuing to unfold. Spirit knows the way when we do not...our Soul sees over the horizon when we can only see the circumstances surrounding us in a given moment. If we hold only negative, small thoughts about what is happening we block the light and guidance that Spirit constantly offers us if we only look inside.

Today my husband and I go to mediation on our house. The house where last Sunday 50 of my family and friends celebrated Easter with brunch. The house jumped to life with the sounds of ten happy children running up the stairs and through the halls. Old pictures from slides brought to life by a cousin who died this weekend was the entertainment and focus of prayer. The picture showed the history of the Smith family of eight now all grown up with children and grandchildren.

Spirit shows me and history proves that all things change and sometimes we must let go for a greater good to come about. So this morning before meeting with lawyers at the courthouse. I give thanks for the ability to dream up and build and live in this beautiful home. It has been a refuge and a place for celebrations and has housed the people that I love the most, for an hours chat or an over night stay. I welcome what comes next because I know that Spirit conspires to lifting me up if I do not block the flow of good coming to me with thoughts of doom.

Lord, I ask that you allow me to feel you supporting Bob and I today. I ask that you change any thoughts that are blocking me from feeling your complete and total love today. Please walk in before me and hold me up...I know that I can do all things through you, Amen                                          

Work As Play

"The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes but in having new eyes."

                                                                                                      Proust

My niece just sent this. Along with a beautiful writing by Martha Beck that I will end with. 

This morning at my yoga practice the instructor guided us into a clearly uncomfortable pose. Staying with the discomfort, my mind begins rumbling..."I don't like this"..."maybe my legs won't hold"...How long are we staying in this position?" Then the instructor begins to talk about our focus and where our minds might be at this point when we are supposed to be focusing on the breath. Do we know that we are strong and have the ability to remain here indefinitely? Are we giving into the discomfort and telling ourselves we need to give up?

Yoga is a practice I use to study not only my body but also my mind...do I give up easily? It always shows up on the mat. Am I strong and calm and balanced? This shows up, also. 

I don't remember if it is the Buddhist's or if it is a Zen saying..."the monkey mind", always rambling unless we guide it with our noticing.

The rest of what my niece sent me was by Martha Beck and is so beautiful that I wanted to share:

"Stop now, right now, and look around you. This is your place in the labyrinth. There is no place else you need to be. See with eyes that aren't fixed on goals. or focused on flaws. You are part of the endless, winding beauty. And as you learn to see the dappled loveliness of your life, as your new eyes help you begin loving the labyrinth, you;ll slowly come to realize that the labyrinth was made solely for the purpose of loving you".

Yes, you.

Work As Play

"Develop success from failures. Discouragement and failure are two of the surest stepping stones to success."

                                                                            Dale Carnegie, lecturer and author

Lately work has whisked me away from the realities of my life, once again. I get so wrapped up in the intrigue of it all that sometimes, I look out and realize that other important things are also going on. My company is on the verge of great success or utter failure. My husband and I have given up pretty much all aspects of our previous lives for this internet company. We were apartment owners with a beautiful house in a downtown setting. But the lure of something larger drew my husband in.

Because I did not cultivate and go after my own dreams I have been drawn into another's. Sometimes I play the blame game but, I know that the reason I am in this place at this time, is because I didn't take responsibility for my own life. This has been a hard pill to swallow. 

The other night my husband and I were walking home after a neighborhood party and it occurred to me that we have given everything up for a website...I was filled with deep despair and anger at my husband for making these possibly horrible choices and dragging me along with him. 

God/Spirit does not allow me the luxury of hiding from the truth for long. While I knew that I was supposed to learn and grow in my new life circumstances and embrace them as best I could, what eluded me was my own part in this drama. Always thinking that my husband has lessons to learn before things will change and I am here to help and expand myself...

Last night I heard my Soul laugh at me! In all of my life circumstances either Spirit or Ego tries to take a stand and as Spiritual as I want to be....my ego has been blinding me to an ugly truth. I am fully at fault for all of my life circumstances including this one. There is no one else to blame.

I have grown through this and will continue to grow while uncovering the answer to the question...What is this here to teach me? Not anyone else...this is my journey.

About Me

"You can transcend the dream of fear and live a different life"

                                                                                         Don Miguel Ruiz

I was asked a question about what I am thinking when I wake up...the short answer is that the thoughts are always different. Usually reflecting whatever I am most recently obsessing about. But after a while other thoughts come to me, demanding an awareness.

My Soul wants me to take this question seriously...what am I thinking when I wake up? The question needs to be changed to what thoughts do I notice when I first awake? The truth is these thoughts come and go through no effort of my own. I just attach myself to some of them. Since our thoughts determine the essence of our lives it is probably a good idea to choose the ones that bring us the feelings we would like to experience. If these chosen thoughts lift us up and make us feel lovingly supported and expansive and worthy then we can know that the source from which they come, is God.

So my morning ritual is something like this: On waking I take a moment to listen...sometimes the chatter that is my mind is quiet, so I listen for the sounds of birds or ducks on the lake or city sounds. I stretch and open my eyes to notice the light and gauge the time. If thoughts are vying for my attention I sometimes quickly write them down for later action as I have come to know that these whispers from my dreams are guiding me to grow. By writing them down I free my mind to just notice   the way the light comes in through the windows and the sound of my husband sleeping. I hear the sound of my feet walking  across the wooden floor in my room then feel the chill of the travertine tile as I step into my bathroom.

Splashing water on my face I look into the mirror and see another truth...she is not me. I have learned to be gentle with her when once I was harsh. I look deeply into those eyes wanting to know more than I do, but today is not the day, those truths will be told and the animals need to be fed and walked. The day beckons and, most days, I am happy to oblige.

About Me

"Dream delivers us to dream and there is no end to illusion."

                                                                                                Ralph Waldo Emerson

There is a wonderfully quiet volunteer opportunity my niece Nikki told me about. It is, "No One Dies Alone" at ORMC. There is an opening between life and death that intrigues me. When my children were born I became aware of the amazing connection between here and 'there'. I have been drawn to this place ever since. There was a warmth and such an infusion of loving presence that filled the room. I know that I will experience that again. I know that there is no stopping of life. It continues. 

Tonight I got a call from a friend. We have known one another for at least twenty years. She asked for one of my children (they are adults).Since neither was available I offered to come. She needed a witness and her attorney would be coming in hour. Her husband could not be the one. I did not think to question her. Of course, I would come. Yet when Derek arrived just before the call to summon me, I asked him to go instead. His lovely, girlfriend, Meg was with him so she joined him. My friend needed a witness to change her will...tonight at 7:30pm.

Life continually changes yet the seer inside remains the same. Even when we are paying attention changes happen without our recognizing them at the time. Death will come knocking and life is only sweeter because of it. There is nothing to fear.

Reasons To Celebrate

On Saturday morning there were 111 people in my yoga class! We were very close together. Usually I do not notice the other people in class, as I focus on what is going on inside of me during this time. But on this day the man in front and to left of me is breathing in a way that is irritating. Breathing is very important in Yoga...ujjayi breath, the breathe of the ocean. One should be able to hear it.

As the class continues I realize that the women in front of me to the right is working very hard to make her "warrior" lower and stronger. I am noticing her work instead of my own.

We continue breathing and flowing from one move smoothly to another and I notice yet another women who bothers me in another way. Again I move to my breath, unfocused and wondering why there are so many annoying people here today when Spirit whispers, these are the places in you that you have not been aware of. 

As I looked outside of myself during what is always an inner exercise I was noticing the weaknesses of my own practice.

Maybe I will never become the person I long to be. One who never judges another, one who is always patient, kind, loving. One who always moves with the awareness of Spirit in all things.

How can I be okay with that? This is so important to me, how is it that I do it badly?

Can I be okay with who I am and not who I want to be? I am upset and everything is churning inside.

 Now a calmness settles over me..."be gentle with yourself,  I hear. So that is how I can bring non judgement to another. Stop judging myself!

 Leave the judgements to the one who is perfect.

Long ago I was met with the realization that everyone doesn't "hear" this voice and so I kept quiet about it and felt myself to be different. I promise that I am not a "crazy person" and do not need to be medicated, at least most of the time!:) But I stayed quiet about the presence that surrounds me when I pay attention. The one that whispers, that I hear in my heart because these are not the conversations of everyday life.

We may not "hear" or "feel" this presence in the same way but if we can calm our parade of thoughts and pay attention to the stillness that beckons, the quiet waiting in the background then we can understand that this connection to Spirit is the way we were constructed.

 It is true, as Jesus said, "I and the Father are one". While we bumble around in search of God He/She lovingly awaits our attention. Always here. Always.