Work As Play

"The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes but in having new eyes."

                                                                                                      Proust

My niece just sent this. Along with a beautiful writing by Martha Beck that I will end with. 

This morning at my yoga practice the instructor guided us into a clearly uncomfortable pose. Staying with the discomfort, my mind begins rumbling..."I don't like this"..."maybe my legs won't hold"...How long are we staying in this position?" Then the instructor begins to talk about our focus and where our minds might be at this point when we are supposed to be focusing on the breath. Do we know that we are strong and have the ability to remain here indefinitely? Are we giving into the discomfort and telling ourselves we need to give up?

Yoga is a practice I use to study not only my body but also my mind...do I give up easily? It always shows up on the mat. Am I strong and calm and balanced? This shows up, also. 

I don't remember if it is the Buddhist's or if it is a Zen saying..."the monkey mind", always rambling unless we guide it with our noticing.

The rest of what my niece sent me was by Martha Beck and is so beautiful that I wanted to share:

"Stop now, right now, and look around you. This is your place in the labyrinth. There is no place else you need to be. See with eyes that aren't fixed on goals. or focused on flaws. You are part of the endless, winding beauty. And as you learn to see the dappled loveliness of your life, as your new eyes help you begin loving the labyrinth, you;ll slowly come to realize that the labyrinth was made solely for the purpose of loving you".

Yes, you.

Work As Play

"Develop success from failures. Discouragement and failure are two of the surest stepping stones to success."

                                                                            Dale Carnegie, lecturer and author

Lately work has whisked me away from the realities of my life, once again. I get so wrapped up in the intrigue of it all that sometimes, I look out and realize that other important things are also going on. My company is on the verge of great success or utter failure. My husband and I have given up pretty much all aspects of our previous lives for this internet company. We were apartment owners with a beautiful house in a downtown setting. But the lure of something larger drew my husband in.

Because I did not cultivate and go after my own dreams I have been drawn into another's. Sometimes I play the blame game but, I know that the reason I am in this place at this time, is because I didn't take responsibility for my own life. This has been a hard pill to swallow. 

The other night my husband and I were walking home after a neighborhood party and it occurred to me that we have given everything up for a website...I was filled with deep despair and anger at my husband for making these possibly horrible choices and dragging me along with him. 

God/Spirit does not allow me the luxury of hiding from the truth for long. While I knew that I was supposed to learn and grow in my new life circumstances and embrace them as best I could, what eluded me was my own part in this drama. Always thinking that my husband has lessons to learn before things will change and I am here to help and expand myself...

Last night I heard my Soul laugh at me! In all of my life circumstances either Spirit or Ego tries to take a stand and as Spiritual as I want to be....my ego has been blinding me to an ugly truth. I am fully at fault for all of my life circumstances including this one. There is no one else to blame.

I have grown through this and will continue to grow while uncovering the answer to the question...What is this here to teach me? Not anyone else...this is my journey.

About Me

"You can transcend the dream of fear and live a different life"

                                                                                         Don Miguel Ruiz

I was asked a question about what I am thinking when I wake up...the short answer is that the thoughts are always different. Usually reflecting whatever I am most recently obsessing about. But after a while other thoughts come to me, demanding an awareness.

My Soul wants me to take this question seriously...what am I thinking when I wake up? The question needs to be changed to what thoughts do I notice when I first awake? The truth is these thoughts come and go through no effort of my own. I just attach myself to some of them. Since our thoughts determine the essence of our lives it is probably a good idea to choose the ones that bring us the feelings we would like to experience. If these chosen thoughts lift us up and make us feel lovingly supported and expansive and worthy then we can know that the source from which they come, is God.

So my morning ritual is something like this: On waking I take a moment to listen...sometimes the chatter that is my mind is quiet, so I listen for the sounds of birds or ducks on the lake or city sounds. I stretch and open my eyes to notice the light and gauge the time. If thoughts are vying for my attention I sometimes quickly write them down for later action as I have come to know that these whispers from my dreams are guiding me to grow. By writing them down I free my mind to just notice   the way the light comes in through the windows and the sound of my husband sleeping. I hear the sound of my feet walking  across the wooden floor in my room then feel the chill of the travertine tile as I step into my bathroom.

Splashing water on my face I look into the mirror and see another truth...she is not me. I have learned to be gentle with her when once I was harsh. I look deeply into those eyes wanting to know more than I do, but today is not the day, those truths will be told and the animals need to be fed and walked. The day beckons and, most days, I am happy to oblige.