Reasons To Celebrate

On Saturday morning there were 111 people in my yoga class! We were very close together. Usually I do not notice the other people in class, as I focus on what is going on inside of me during this time. But on this day the man in front and to left of me is breathing in a way that is irritating. Breathing is very important in Yoga...ujjayi breath, the breathe of the ocean. One should be able to hear it.

As the class continues I realize that the women in front of me to the right is working very hard to make her "warrior" lower and stronger. I am noticing her work instead of my own.

We continue breathing and flowing from one move smoothly to another and I notice yet another women who bothers me in another way. Again I move to my breath, unfocused and wondering why there are so many annoying people here today when Spirit whispers, these are the places in you that you have not been aware of. 

As I looked outside of myself during what is always an inner exercise I was noticing the weaknesses of my own practice.

Maybe I will never become the person I long to be. One who never judges another, one who is always patient, kind, loving. One who always moves with the awareness of Spirit in all things.

How can I be okay with that? This is so important to me, how is it that I do it badly?

Can I be okay with who I am and not who I want to be? I am upset and everything is churning inside.

 Now a calmness settles over me..."be gentle with yourself,  I hear. So that is how I can bring non judgement to another. Stop judging myself!

 Leave the judgements to the one who is perfect.

Long ago I was met with the realization that everyone doesn't "hear" this voice and so I kept quiet about it and felt myself to be different. I promise that I am not a "crazy person" and do not need to be medicated, at least most of the time!:) But I stayed quiet about the presence that surrounds me when I pay attention. The one that whispers, that I hear in my heart because these are not the conversations of everyday life.

We may not "hear" or "feel" this presence in the same way but if we can calm our parade of thoughts and pay attention to the stillness that beckons, the quiet waiting in the background then we can understand that this connection to Spirit is the way we were constructed.

 It is true, as Jesus said, "I and the Father are one". While we bumble around in search of God He/She lovingly awaits our attention. Always here. Always.

Reasons To Celebrate

"And the peace of God which passeth all understanding will guard your hearts and minds..."

                                                                                 Phillipians4:7

I thought to write about this kind of peace and suddenly I had nothing to say. Words would not come. And so I waited, knowing that if I was meant to write them it would happen in due time.

Even now I am uncertain...yet I honor this time of writing...beginning with a prayer. 

In an earlier posting I talked about how Summer got her name. What I may not have mentioned was the turmoil I felt when they said there was a possibility that the baby could be less than perfect. I remember not talking to my husband about this at first because I didn't want it to seem real. Though there was almost constant conversation with God and I that day. Back then I only went to God when I wanted something. "Help me, God with this" was usually the way it went. Rarely did I think to be thankful. 

Through the years, beginning when my children were small, I began noticing the profound "wonderfulness" of life. Spirit sat with me at times when I wanted to die. Life was not so sweet with young children and a husband who didn't really want to be there. I didn't blame him, we were only learning what true partnership is back then. Or maybe I didn't value myself enough at the time.

Early in our relationship I toyed with thinking suicidal thoughts...but just as the thoughts began carrying me away, a baby would cry. This seemed to happen right on que shaking me out of my darkness. This sweet little creature needed holding...or was I the one who yearned for soothing? So we had each other these babies and me. Before their angel dust fell away and their human bonds began...they gave me glimpses of where they came.

Bound by Motherhood and the urge to protect and nurture them in ways that would allow them to grow untethered. I discovered a teacher, a friend, a protector, a counselor, a loving presence where I could rest, or lick my wounds. A peaceful place where the answers would come. This is the place of Spirit. It is always here hovering in the background the place where my Soul is refilled and renewed.   

My relationship with own Mother was stormy at best...but that is another writing. We did love each other, very much...but I had to learn to "mother" myself in order for our loving relationship to finally exist. 

 

Reasons To Celebrate

It has been a while since my last post. I was so ensconced in the holiday season that certain other things had to move from front and center. But I am back at my computer now.

                               
The season was bright! Bob and Summer brought home the biggest tree to date! I don't understand the need for something bigger or more all the time. We put our tree in the entryway so it is the first thing you see when you walk in the front door. It took a few days of contemplation and almost deciding not to decorate this year before Spirit whispered, "you must get started". We cut two feet off the tree so I could get to the top with my ladder and begin the process of  decking the halls.

The house sings at this time of year. It has been a beautiful swirl of family and friends. Chopping, baking, and soooo many dishes! Summer and Derek were always in and out with friends in tow. This is the part of Christmas that I love because of the blessing of the Christ within. The promise of Jesus who guides my Soul to give attention to that which is before me. Whether it is a stack of dirty dishes, ornaments to be packed away or someone special who needs a moment to be "heard". Since there isn't enough time for everything the holy moment is always the one I am living now.

As I write it looks as though I am in a Christmas Store. Collections of snowmen and Santa's, Christmas linens, Mama's angel napkins rings. Photos taken during Christmases past cover my bulletin board. I love having those who are not here physically still with me as part of my celebration. I am blessed, we all are, though we may not always notice the blessings.

                                             

I am interested to see where the river of life is taking me...I invite you to journey with me this year and maybe uncover that secret place within you that is always connected to Spirit. The Christ within.

Recently two different people asked me to write down what was happening at times when difficult things were happening in my life and I stayed in a peaceful place that seemed improbable. I pay attention when nudged...most of the time. It made me really study what was going on spiritually inside.

I'll close for now wishing you the excitement of new beginnings and tomorrow we'll explore how peace can light on us even in the midst of turmoil.